POST 1: INTRODUCTION

Quotable Quote

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

“We flatter those we scarcely know, We please the fleeting guest; And deal full many a thoughtless blow, to those who love us best”

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Thank you for reading my Blog. Please feel free to leave a message. I want to thank all clients who have made me a better therapist. Their experiences and their pain and in particular their very open discussions about the most difficult topic in their life have made this Blog a better one.

If you found this blog, you are very likely someone who is in a relationship, but it is not going so well. You might have found many Internet Sites on this topic. I did too. There are definitely some good websites on the topic of marriage, relationships, disconnection, affairs and healing. I hope that these have been supportive to those who were looking for information and insight. With this site, I hope to add something new.

IF YOU LIKE THIS BLOG SPREAD THE WORD AND PLEASE PASS ON THE LINK!

This Blog is not about “venting”, maybe a little bit, but mostly it is about providing information and tools for prevention and healing. This blog is focusing on the latter: HEALING and whether this can be done, and if so…how?

This Blog also has articles and research about topics not directly related to relationship troubles. I love research and I love writing and I have this urge to write critical reviews when I know that what is swallowed by people as “facts”, is not based on research evidence.

Some Ground Rules

I would love to receive some comments. You are free to share your story. Please do not use names of other people. You are free to use your own name. Please use respectful language (as much as possible…).

Troubles in the Relationship

If there are problems in your relationship, talk to your partner. Avoid “complaining” to others, as it does not help, but makes things worse. When it comes to marriage problems, many people you think you can trust, will not keep the information confidential. That you experience issues, is none of anyone’s business outside your relationship.

If there are incidences of violence, you have to seek help. Help is available 24/7 wherever you live. Numbers on Domestic Violence (Intimate Partner Violence) can be found on websites. If you have (young) children, it is crucial that you seek help.

Talking with your spouse

This is very important, but the communication needs to be done when both of you are calm. Be careful which words you use. Not talking to your partner and avoiding issues will lead guaranteed to more severe problems.

  1. DISCONNECTION: Disconnection might lead to the problem that you or your partner feels a need to connect to someone else. Social media makes this very easy. Connecting emotionally to someone else (who could be a love interest) rather than your partner, without your partner’s knowledge is defined as an “emotional affair”. Emotional affairs can lead to full-blown affairs. These are toxic and extremely damaging.
  2. AFFAIRS: Affairs damage you, your partner, your children, your work, your relationships with family and friends and your overall wellbeing…Affairs damage people….destroy some people and healing will require a very long time.
  3. GROWING APART: Long-term disconnection results in partners growing apart and to the inevitable; separation and divorce. This is a shame. I encourage people to seek help, maybe your marriage can be saved. There is so much to lose…

Many authors of websites state that both partners are responsible for an affair…I am not one of these…The person who starts the affair is the deal breaker. Many authors state that good marriages will not fall “victim” to an affair. I disagree with this too…as all marriages are vulnerable to “disconnect” with a variety of consequences.

Image result for dr therapy

In regards to HEALING: You and your spouse will go through many phases…It is very hard, but I hope you at least give it a shot.

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