POST 18: ON DEALING WITH STUFF

Questions!

  1. What do divorced people do with the wedding pictures?
  2. What do people healing from an affair do with the wedding photos?
  3. What do people healing after an affair do with the photos taken during a “romantic” holiday when one of them was having a dirty relationship on the side?
  4. What do you do with the clothes your cheater was wearing on their rendez-vous?
  5. What do you do with the “lovely notes” written to you during the time your “significant” other was enjoying themselves with something else?
  6. What do you do when the name of the third person comes up in conversations?
  7. What do you do when the ugly head of the third person keeps on popping up on your Linked-in “people you may know”?
  8. What do you do when people who don’t know congratulate you as you are such a lovely couple?
  9. What do you do with the paintings or other souvenirs you bought together on a holiday and you later found out that your partner could not wait to go to their fun package?
  10. What do you do when people who don’t know question you on how you have changed…and not for the better?
  11. What do you do with your lingerie and sex toys after you found out that your partner had a dirty relationship?
  12. What do you do with the presents your partner bought you while they had an extramarital thing?

 

maybe you have some questions. I am interested in what people do with that stuff that triggers bad memories leading to crying episodes, rage and fantasies of destruction…or an urge to take the wine or whatever is available to numb the pain…

 

13 thoughts on “POST 18: ON DEALING WITH STUFF

  1. I returned everything that Loser had ever given me. (My son stole the majority of my jewelry…even my wedding rings) I returned all the cards he had given me from the 70’s to the present time….every picture of him or us….every movie he bought me….every note he had ever sent or left on the counter…every dead rose that I had saved….every piece of clothing…I returned the “guilt gift” necklace he gave me for Christmas, right before he told me about his WTC….he sent it back….(but my son stole that, too.) I returned the very first Christmas presents he gave me in 1975….and thereafter.
    I asked for the quilts back that I had made for him (that he and his WTC were using to keep warm) but he wouldn’t return them….as they were among “his most treasured belongings”….right after his WTC, I would imagine.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. After I found out H had taken one of the OW’s on trips to Vegas (the city we were married & had travelled to many times) and New Orleans (where we’d travelled many times together before and after his trip with her) I packed up every reminder – every photo, every string of Mardi Gras beads, coffee cup, t-shirt…and told him to get them out of the house. It hurt to have them around. These were “our” places, until I found out they weren’t just ours.

    Since D-Day #2, all that seems ridiculous, because the OW who went on those trips was actually one of many…she was no more special to him than any of the others.

    I no longer wear wedding rings or the jewellery acquired before D-Day. I’m considering a nice birthstone ring for my left hand instead.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. These are really good questions. My ex and I split up all the pictures, artwork, and mementos. She made sure to give me the big wedding album we had. But after I remarried, I shipped it back to her. I couldn’t bear to just toss it in the garbage. She acknowledged my sending it, and though she wasn’t thrilled with receiving it, she said she’d keep it.

    The “third person” on Linked-in is a tricky one. Whenever I come across that person, I cringe. I know you can block them, but it involves having to first go into their profile, page, whatever it’s called, and then run the commands of the block. I don’t even want to go *that* far. So I instead just quickly look away and navigate on.

    Great post, great thought-provoking questions.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well……..
    Firstly in a very unhinged state I emptied his whole wardrobe of clothes and threw them onto the driveway. In the rain. He was out of town so I sent him a pic.
    Then I smashed his guitar up and threw it on top of the pile of clothes. Sent him a pic.
    Then I threw every vase and ornament he had given me against a wall in the bedroom which left an interesting pile of debris. I then gathered up wedding photos and souvenirs I had all over the house and put then in a box. This included paintings, letters and cards.
    Then a couple of months later I started to completely declutter everything. This time I was in a much saner place. All of our wedding presents I donated to a local charity. All the books went. The stereo and his records, furniture, two leather lounge suites, all the bookcases. I completely decluttered the house. Anything that I had not used for a while was tossed or donated. Anything that the other women had given me as they were my friends was tossed.
    Then……now this was a problem we had for years. Whenever I brought up the subject of replacing the carpets or renovating a bathroom or painting the walls he would tell me that unless the girls and I got rid of the cats and stopped marking the walls and wearing out the carpets then he would not allow any money to be spent on the house. So……after d day and once I was aware of the monies he had been spending on his women I very calmly told him I would renovate the house. So I did. New kitchen, new bathrooms, new flooring and new furniture. He was actually quite ok with it and even enjoyed getting involved. This was about 6 months after d day.
    We do get asked when out and about how long we have been married and people are surprised when I say 32 yrs. I don’t go into any detail but we are obviously very affectionate and caring with each other enough to make people comment.
    I don’t wear my wedding rings. I wear a ring he gave me for my 40th which has more meaning. He still wears his.
    Wedding and family photos have been placed out of sight in a box until I feel I can deal with them.
    He has deleted his LinkedIn and his Facebook. Changed his email. Soon to change his phone number.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. He has had so many other women in emotional and physical affairs and I know all their names and if a name does come up I will just look at him and He is already looking at me in remorse. I do need for him to acknowledge that it makes me sad to hear their names, he does and it somehow helps.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. All pictures during the timing of the affair that had my man in them were deleted or ripped up and thrown away. I no longer want those years to exist in my mind. As for anything to do with our marriage, all memorabilia was boxed and stored in the garage. He bought me a new wedding ring which I currently do not wear – time will tell if I ever will. All social media accounts of his and mine were both deleted. Moving forward and never looking back!!

    Liked by 1 person

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