POST 41: WHEN THE LOVE IS GONE!

I wished everyone would read this. Thank you Zombiedew! It confirms to me the importance to educate people more about mental illness and its correlates.

Mental illness affects all of us at one or more phases during our life. With Mental illness, I do not mean a lifelong “chemical brain disorder”, but often a phase of being temporarily mentally not healthy. It is not true that we all need medication, and the “serotonin-imbalance” requiring lifelong SSRIs is based on myth and marketing more than on anything else….but we need help when we are not doing well.

In particular have a close look at the quotes on “anhedonia”…that feeling of emptiness inside. The blandness…the deadness….When people feel the inability to feel pleasure…they will look for it….and won’t find it….temporarily distractions are not helping….as we should know by now….

Anxiety and depression and its relationship (anxiety leads to depression…and chronic stress leads to anxiety and leads to depression) is another important component contributing to marital dissatisfaction. The issue is not your partner, and not your marriage but in yourself!

Unfortunately, many wait too long as they either do not recognise its symptoms or are not getting the help that they require.

thezombieshuffle

hopefails

Love.

Love is a powerful emotion/feeling, and it can drive us to do incredible (and at times terrible) things.

When people think of “love”, the first thing they think of is usually passion or romance.  Well, sex too – but that’s usually a byproduct of passion.  Either way, it’s often perceived as an intense emotional response.  Butterflies in the stomach, and an overwhelming desire to be with that other person.

Science has shown this “romance” stage of love is just that, a stage.  It has a neurochemical basis, and usually only lasts for more than six months to two years.

When we are younger we often mistake the loss of intense feeling for the loss of love, and use that as an excuse/reason to jump to another “new” relationship where everything is exciting and fresh again.  But eventually most people realize even after the intense feeling has dissipated, strong feelings…

View original post 1,667 more words

5 thoughts on “POST 41: WHEN THE LOVE IS GONE!

  1. Thanks for reblogging this. Like you said, I wish everyone would read this. Not because of ego or because I give a crap about my blog – but because I think it’s a very important issue that isn’t talked about and isn’t well known or understood.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. MESSAGE FROM ZOMBIEDREW2

    Hi Elisabeth, I’m glad you found my little part of the blogging universe. Thanks for commenting (and reblogging).
    I feel this is a topic that is woefully ignored. Mental health has a lot of stigma at the best of times, and when you DO hear about it it’s often presented in a really bad light (someone hits the news for some terrible action, and immediately mental health is cited). Or it’s talked about in terms of how it makes people sad or withdrawn.
    But I really don’t hear much about what it does to peoples relationships (beyond adding stress to them). Relationships are equated to love, and love is equated to feelings. But mental illness often affects the pleasure and reward parts of the brain, so it can really mess with peoples ability to “feel”. So when the feelings are gone, what does that mean for love?
    I truly believe that many relationships are lost unnecessarily because people feel a loss of love and believe it’s reflective of something wrong with the relationship, while in reality the problem is due to someones ability to feel.
    The Folk-Williams article I cited is something I have seen a few times:
    Someone is questioning their relationship because they no longer feel anything for their partner. Then they meet someone else, and they find they CAN still feel something for this other person. The fact that they are having feelings for another person (but not their parter) acts to confirm to them their belief that “something is wrong” with their relationship, so they either end it or have an affair or just check out of the relationship completely.
    Meanwhile, the only reason they are feeling anything with the other person is because it’s a more intense emotional response due to the “new” love.
    I’ve got a buddy I’ve cited in this blog a few times who’s wife left him (and broke up the family) for someone new, and it completely blind-sided him. He thought things were pretty good and had no idea that there were any issues. Within 2 years she was having all the same problems with her new boyfriend, and was wanting to get back with my buddy. But he had moved on with his life.
    I’ve seen some variation on that story SO many times.
    When that happens, is it really always the relationship? Yeah, guys can be idiots at times, and in my buddy’s case I’m sure there were things he could have done to make the relationship better. At the same time though, I really think that often there are underlying mental health issues related to anhedonia and the loss of “feeling”. Pop culture shows us that love is all about passion and emotion, so when the feelings are gone it’s really easy to interpret that as a loss of love.

    Written by Zombiedrew 2

    I cannot agree more……
    I see this so often as well. A marriage collapses…people got a new partner…and the marriage collapses….not because of the partner, but because of the issues….

    Affairs….due to the secrecy all the adrenaline is giving a false high…people think they are alive again…in-love or better in-lust…what they really are experiencing is a short-lived hype…it won’t last…seeking it…again……it certainly does a lot of harm to others and self…..
    The extra part to the affair-thing versus a new partner after separation is that in the case of affairs…all are deceiving….I have never seen that making anybody happy or at least feeling better about themselves.

    Elisabeth

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Social bias apply their pressures in persuading adolescent humans to falsely believe their hormonal circumstances are correlated to real emotional attachment. I’m not quite sure how “Love” evolved as a beneficial normality for our species, but regardless its presence is undeniable. Distinguishing the aspects of meaningful love with physical desire is the crossroad for this discussion. There is a distinction between the commitment level for one verses the other. It’s that commitment aligned with the emotional attachment that creates the disconnect…?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I recall someone I admire, probably Rick Reynolds, using the term “limerance” to describe that lustful infatuation one can feel for an affair partner without even an ounce of love, or even liking, that person.

    Rick goes on to remind us that love is not something into which you fall, nor something that makes the other person perfect for you. Rather, love is the conscious decision to adore someone, in spite of their inevitable imperfections.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s