TL added what I feel is crucial to healing and recovery: Contrition!
Please read my post 40, 41 and 44. I too feel that recovery and healing is based on more than remorse, guilt feelings etc. It requires a willingness and ability to self-analyse and to keep on working on it….

I referred to it as penance and created a list…

Contrition means “the state of feeling remorseful and penitent”. It is a synonym of “repentant”, but it means so much more…it means to actually doing the work, to demonstrate this in actions and to keep on working at it as it is not just over…it will never be over….the work is never done…but it can be joyful process as people who want to be good, do question their behaviours, their intentions and their motivation and they are in the first place honest to themselves and secondly honest and transparent to others.


I read this and found it really spoke to me. I think a serial cheater is a different breed, often characterized by three distinct features. First, is a lack of compassion, for others and frankly for themselves too. Now, work with me for a minute here. In MC’s case, and I suspect many others out there, he chose self-pity over self-compassion. You can read what defines that difference here. And, this leads to the second problem; a life  ruled by self-pity. Self-pity is the poison at the heart of so many ills, most notably “I deserve” thinking that is the corner stone of rationalizing the irrational. Third, is lack of integrity. And, I don’t just mean this in terms of actions and words not matching, though that is one important component. I also mean this in terms of a person who has disintegrated themselves into separate selves. In MC’s case…

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