Post: 46: FUN WITH YOUR FAMILY

I have struggled and still do at times about “justice”.

Many posts have been written about “homewreckers” and “gold diggers” and some people feel that the person who cheats and is married is the sole person who needs to take the blame and all responsibility.

All situations are different, but to me it is important that it is also acknowledged that there are people, who do everything to destroy a marriage by relentlessly pursuing a married person, by stalking their partner and by manipulating, lying and using all seduction tricks.

Yes, the married person who betrays their partner is the one who has done wrong and it takes years of hard work as a couple to make the marriage work. In many cases, despite the efforts, the marriage falls apart.

But it is hard to not seeing justice taking place….when knowing that the person who pursued a married man (or woman) moves on to another target.

Surviving infidelity through hard work is possible when both partners want this and it is a worthwhile journey with many downs…and a long road up…as if climbing a steep mountain….but during the process there is gain from the work-out!

Justice comes …in the form of having fun with your partner and your kids…something the OW/OM will never have…..

 

6 thoughts on “Post: 46: FUN WITH YOUR FAMILY

  1. It’s true what you say, that an extra-marital affair is done by two people, not just the married spouse. People manage to justify their behavior in interesting ways. They say, “If he doesn’t cheat with me, he’ll cheat with someone else.” But it is destructive for all 3 (or 4 people) involved in an extra-marital affair (both spouses, and both participants.)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks Candy,
    Indeed there are many ways people justify this very painful and often traumatic occurrence. There are people who literally and without any shame state that “him being married is his problem”. Or “well the fact that a husband cheats means he is not getting it at home”.

    The believe that way more men than women cheat is also no longer a fact as statistics show that with an increase in economic equality, the cheating becomes as common among married women as among married men (among those with money and status).

    A last fallacy is that when there is cheating by one of the partners, there is something wrong in the marriage. It is true that VERY happy marriages are more protected, but that cheating happens in happy marriages (and that is also the end of it) is a fact and that gives food for thought…as what on earth is wrong with the cheater? I believe that social media makes it easier and that reality shows (shit shows) and media in general are normalising very destructive and harmful behaviours. A show is just a show…reality means a painful separation or years of working on healing the relationship. It is destructive to an entire family as kids feel the pain too.

    Cheating is less common in marriages of people who are actively involved in their religion and church.

    The person who has the affair, is the person who needs to assume responsibility for this behaviour and despite some authors of websites trying to place blame on the faithful spouse this does not sit right with me, despite some unproven data that it speeds up healing.

    You are correct that it is destructive to all. That the OW/OM suffers when they knowingly pursue a relationship with a married person, I see as justice…unfortunately those who DO suffer are actually people with empathy and a conscience. They often feel guilty and some of them have written posts on WordPress about their struggles.

    Those who do not…are the ones I have a deep problem with as they move on to their next target, either for “short term fun” (and there are always candidates for a one-night stand or two), or for more darker reasons related to monetary gain and/or out of revenge based on a sick type of jealousy. It is tempting to find a way to stop them….without becoming as unscrupulous as the dishonorable persons themselves and therefore I still struggle with wanting to see some form of justice…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “Justice comes …in the form of having fun with your partner and your kids…something the OW/OM will never have…..”

    I do take some satisfaction in the fact that OH and his AP never actually did anything together other than email, text and sneaking around meeting in cafes and pubs for a couple of hours at most (during which he was constantly checking his watch as he knew he needed to get back to me). At least OH and I have always done lots of fun things together.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We have to hold on to that…and I am pleased you had that. Having fun right in the open…while they were hiding and did all in secrecy…when thinking about it…where is the fun when the initial high is over….
      Take care!

      Like

  4. Elisabeth, I have not found a single blog or site that speaks as truly to me as yours. I would like to speak to you about my situation. If you could please email me, I will send you my story there. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

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