I prepared myself to write about the long term consequences of affairs. Research is sparse, or actually practically non-existent. The post on “morals” from zombiedrew2 touched upon so many interesting and related thoughts, I felt that it was important to have these included. Some items in the part I wrote might only make sense if you also read the post I have re-blogged.
Many thanks, zombiedrew2!
Lewinsky did not have it easy. Not that I have much sympathy…but the fact that she had an affair with a public figure, made her a celebrity as well. An affair to remember…sure and too bad, as I do not want to remember that type of dirt. Bill…the laughing stock and M…the dumb intern. No escape. That are long term consequence and media will make sure we will not forget.
For authority figures who work for companies where they have policies on this type of behaviour, the person in authority is subject to some disciplinary action and might very well be dismissed immediately, or when no policies are in place…it may all be kept quiet. The AP (consenting junior, intern, whatever…can escape with NO CONSEQUENCES! (here I am referring to the type that has no remorse…the truly “unjust”). The person in the authority position (married with children of course) will have to face the music and it is not nice. The following consequences are often experienced by both: the person who had the affair (when willing to come clean and work on the relationship) and their partner. Their partner will experience all of these regardless of the outcome and alone when the one who had the affair has no remorse…
Not all are negative…..in bold is what I think many have gained :)!
- feel less of a person
- angry: no justice for the AP…the so-called consenting whatever…
- torn: How can someone stay with a person who did this without thinking about the pain it caused to partner and kids?
- stupid: does it make a partner who stays stupid to try to trust again?
- weak: Is it weakness that determines a betrayed person to stay with someone who had an affair?
- insincere: Not being open and honest as so many people have no idea what happened in the marriage
- limited: certain movies, places, dates, events….are no longer enjoyable.
- not myself
- hiding: Avoiding public places
- seeking distraction, avoid thinking
- drained, depleted of energy as all goes into grieving
- slow death of a marriage due to disconnection and a lack of being able te re-connect
- lost respect for partner
- trust issues
- Anxiety followed by depression
- gotten bosco’d (i.e. feeling fucked after drinking too much and having a fight (see urban dictionary.com)
- Being non judgmental
- Loving and grateful for those who support
- Better judge of character and incredible good sensing abilities of red flags!
- Brave, very brave, as after being betrayed y the person who is supposed to protet and love you…what can be more painful?
- Being able to accept the unacceptable
- A new perspective on life. It sucks, people suck, we have to try to make the most of it and find the gems between the s..t
- Knowledgeable. So many betrayed are full of wisdom…and quite a few of the betrayers are getting there…doing some readings…doing some work
- Ethical and outspoken when faced with violations
- A calling to help others
- Outgrown the marriage…ready to start a new life; free
A little while back someone at my work was fired for theft. I’m sure this sort of thing happens all the time everywhere in the world, but I was still a bit shocked by it. I work for a pretty good company (benefits, wages, environment), so I didn’t understand why someone would put their job at risk; especially when this guy lost his job over theft of an item worth around $25. I mean, really?
I was talking this over with one of my co-workers, telling her I didn’t understand why someone would do it, especially when this will now be attached to his employment record and can impact his future. My co-workers response was that this guy simply figured he wouldn’t get caught.
The Fable of Gyges Ring
This situation made me think of The Fable of Gyges Ring, from Plato’s Republic. Just to be clear, I don’t…
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