Humans marry for different reasons. Although “love” is considered by many an important factor, other reasons are security, having children and/or doing what is expected of them by parents and other family members. Those who do not marry, but live in common-law or de facto relationships long-term, often have some sort of legal arrangement to ensure the safety of assets in case the couple separates. This post is not about the for-and against of marriage and the nuances between legal and legalised marriages and what this might mean for spouses.

This post is also not about what has changed for Western women as indeed we have risen from the plebs who had no rights (our historical predecessors) to those who can vote.

This post is also not about politics and the choices, also women have made, that will make a certain country great again.

I am writing about the women for whom nothing has changed when it comes to their daily life as wife and mothers. Independent of to which generation they belong, I meet women who pretend to be doing well, but who are fighting depression on a daily basis. These are the widows whose husbands have not died.

Many of these husbands work in their own businesses, do fly-in-fly-out to oil fields or mine sites or travel the world to hunt for new contracts and more economic opportunities to become richer and more powerful.

Apart from the obvious, which I have stated in previous posts: The danger of disconnection and with that a higher risks of adultery due to opportunity for the travelling spouse. There is something else that gets these women down and that causes signs of depression and anxiety that no SSRI, benzo, homeopath or naturopath can cure, despite what the ads and these people are making you believe (it is not a gal bladder issue or a dysfunctional liver and definitely not a chemical imbalance in your brain…which is pure nonsense anyway).

These women lose who they are and who they wanted to be. During the first years, there is the hope. It is exciting to get married , to experience pregnancy and to have children. None of these women really understood what it meant to be alone, day-in-day-out as a single parent when their husbands are off to work often for weeks at a time. The life of the husband does not change much, apart from that he sees his family less. Although not easy for them, they justify the amount of time they are away with the statement that they are a good provider.

Some new mothers have the support of family and siblings, but others are utterly alone and have to make friends to have some connections….that’s nice, but at nighttime they are alone, with crying and sick babies as not all babies sleep through the night and not all are healthy.

Of cause it is part of the cycle of life and accepted and who are you to complain? You have a house and food and that is more than what many others have in this world. Oh, yeah, you also have a husband (somewhere) and hope….HOPE that all will become more exciting for you.

Many of these women are creative, smart, innovative and have a lot to offer and although motherhood requires all of that and so much more…it becomes a bit empty and repetitive, but of course, you cannot complain! You have no time as the school requires home bakery for a major fundraiser…how exciting!

Many of these women upgrade their academic skills, they study and obtain degrees and try to combine it with the family obligations and many obtain jobs either when the kids are a bit older or when they can afford daycare. These women work hard and despite that, they will never catch up and the years go past.

When a woman’s career is been placed on-hold and she supports her husband with his career, something else happens and THAT is the core reason of the depressive feelings and the diminishing hope for a life she dreamed about.

Hereby a short interaction [real story].

Husband (big shot in the industry) and his wife visit a large expo. Although many women work in the field, the big shots are still male. The visibility of females at those expos is often limited to supportive staff or the scarcely clad models [sluts] draping themselves over a big piece of machinery. “Yes Justin it is 2016″….and the expos use the bodies of females to attract buyers and attention…and even more sadly…the women seem to LOVE it. It is less so in Canada and in the US, but look at what these Northern American companies do when they display their wares in South America….

OK, husband and wife visit the expo and talk with people the husband knows through his many interactions. Wife is ignored….and when she is not ignored she is asked whether she likes the shopping in whatever town is hosting the expo.

I am one of those wives and needless to say I was not there for shopping and definitely not to ogle some fake female flesh.

You all should know that the provincial delegation of a province from Canada had arranged “models” to attract customers in Peru…I was there and I was disgusted. This event was suppose to be representing Canada and Canadian values, are you kidding me?

I am one of those women who is proud to be a parent and who is proud to have a career. The latter came to a huge cost as I had to work at least twice as hard as anyone else to get where I am now.

Most of these men are on their second or third marriage…they say that it was due to them not being at home enough as the job required the travel…etcetera….I challenge you all as there are ALWAYS options but they are only utilised if you want to find and implement them and not when it is TOO LATE and you already effed up your marriage! And it does not add up, how can you not have time for your family, but have time to screw around and to find yourself a replacement wife?

If you are one of us, you probably have experienced the many boring dinners when the husbands talk work, and you are sitting there as a puppet and no one shows an interest in your life. The small talk is about the kids…and that is it. Have you gone through the Christmas parties and at the very end of the speech (on how great the company is doing), the spouses get a mention for their unwavering support….where is our bonus? Where is our pin?

I meet women, who are disillusioned and who feel empty as they would have liked to do so much more with their children AND husband and as a couple. I meet women who have done all the family requirements by the time their husband is ready for retirement…and many men who reach that stage are no longer healthy or have exchanged their wives for a younger version.

…and I am not even thinking about the women who are asked by their children to look after the grandchildren….

(no offence if this is your life’s calling…this post is for those women who wanted to do so much more than looking after babies and shopping)

One woman whose children have reached early adulthood told me that she is ready to bolt and I told her “go and have the trip of your life time your husband will never have with you”

I wish her lots of fun !

Image result for middle age woman doing extreme sport'

What is stopping you…..You deserve it!

9 thoughts on “POST 52: THE INVISIBLE WOMEN

  1. The role of the woman in all societies was once a much more balanced circumstance. Anthropological findings suggest the hunter gatherer groups included the females much more than modern cultures. Some theorize the rise of ideology contributed to this massive shift in values. The worshiping of the various Gods, and the development of organized religion cast women in a subservient light, that still exists today. Christianity used the Inquisition as an all out war on the woman’s position in society, while Islam portrayed women as property.

    It’s no wonder modern women find life more challenging than their male counterparts, and the need for a more balanced perspective is long overdue!

    All humans lug around our past like a sack of relevance to our now. Change comes, when we seek progress…”There’s no progress without change” ~John Wooden~

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Some also attribute the decline in women’s rights to the agricultural revolution. Hunter-gathering women joined the males in seeking food and safety. Farming put men in the fields and women tending the hearths. The industrial revolution didn’t change women’s status much. The next revolution in our economy and lifestyle could turn things around. In the meantime, you’re right, we are out of balance.

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      1. The agricultural revolution did change the social setting for men and women dramatically, along with the rise in urban habitation creating empires and the likes, women were left out of this scramble for power.

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  2. You were suffering. I hope you solved it or moved on!

    We stay on due to hope, values, the children, what others will think, fear, etc. It is a process that takes some maturing, but women should love themselves first, treat themselves well first, give and demand respect. Or then end the relationship, forgive, wish them well and move on and be happy (eventually)!

    Life is complicated for women and men. It takes years to learn our lessons… We are human. We are weak, too. Everyone has their ghosts…

    People treat us the way we teach them how to treat us, by what we accept. Bad relationships slowly mine our self-esteem and make us weaker. It is time to learn, to grow, but not become bitter! (Is there anything more unattractive then a bitter 40-50 year-old woman? Even to herself!)

    It is a long, difficult road, but we have got to keep our hearts in the right place.

    Please don’t let your hurt destroy the rest of your life. Don’t give evil that victory! S2

    Liked by 1 person

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