POST 90: VALENTINE’S DAY

Reposted: Original post February 2016

Wow, this year Valentine’s Day falls on a Sunday. It could not be better for the people in happy and healthy relationships. Those dating…and those waiting for the anticipated marriage proposal it is ideal to have it in a weekend…

Don’t get me wrong, Valentine’s Day has its merits. It is after Christmas commercially the most successful event. This puts some people off as they do not like the commercial aspect, but others absolutely love that about Christmas and about Valentine’s Day (both pagan days, by the way…and some very strict Christians have ventilated their dismay in so many words…see the Internet, our most valuable resource for all the good and evil).

Valentine’s day can provide some couples with a reminder that “hey I am here and we are still together, maybe that is a reason for celebration!” That would be great, although it would have been nice if couples would show their appreciation and love a bit more often throughout the year.

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Valentine’s day can be extremely hurtful for those who have been betrayed. Going to the mall and having to see all the cheesy love messages, make those who are grieving cringe.

What to do for the person you love on Valentine’s Day ?

It is interesting as many people do not know this. The reason they do not know, is that there is something lacking in their communication. As the author of a very commercially successful booklet wrote, people are obviously not aware of each other’s love language. Yeah, true…whatever you call it, they are not LISTENING to each other and they are not ASKING the QUESTIONS that are important.

Some, in particular women, get upset as they believe that after many years of marriage their husband should know what they want and what they do not like. Unfortunately, more often than not, the husbands are at a loss. They have tuned you out…maybe you talk too much :).

Of course, many people like stuff…chocolates, candy, perfume, flowers, and jewelry. Not that there is  anything wrong with that!

But even with those…you can go in the wrong…(see above). Putting some effort in it means that you ensure that what you get for your partner is what they really like. I am sure some have dropped hints…I recommend in particular to women to be more blunt. Make sure they know! After all those years, you must know by now that dropping subtle and less subtle hints do not work….for men.

By the way each partner is suppose to do something for the other that pleases them….let’s not be suddenly very passive and traditional and to expect that a man should please his beloved female…We have all sorts of relationships and as it is 2015 (oh no, 2016) we have EQUALITY!

Unless, of course, in the case the one partner hurt their spouse…Then, it is absolutely crucial to put effort in finding out what your spouse would like on Valentine’s Day. Maybe they want nothing. Maybe they want to roll up in bed and watch a movie, forgetting about the day…Respect this and honour this!

What not to do on Valentine’s Day?

If your partner does not care about all the frills, and tacky stuff…don’t do it. Rather than pleasing them…your are torturing them. If your partner hates to be put at the center of attention, please do not propose in a full restaurant. Don’t use the airplane with the cheesy banner “….(name of babe) you are my soul mate, will you marry me”, if your babe hates the attention. Do not buy lingerie when you do not know the size. Giving a huge orange set or a way too small strip of fabric is insulting and will kill your planned sexy evening.

When you do the stuff mentioned above, you do it for yourself, to please yourself and to place yourself at the center of attention…this is selfish behavior…not loving whatsoever at all!  It is also controlling as you are saying “I think you should love this, as I like this and you get it no matter what”!

But then again…if they love to be the center of attention….Go do it…go overboard!

Many love massage…you can please each other with that. Buy an oil that is non-irritant :(. When afraid for too much intimacy, stick to feet, neck and shoulders…and stop there!

destroyed_heart_by_sonamyrock-d4ln7fo

What to do when you hurt your partner deeply?

Ask them! Communication is the only thing that will give you answers on what to do. It involves a lot of listening, asking for clarification and it does not include making assumptions or doing the guessing work. Clarity is key.

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USE ACTIVE LISTENING

This is reflecting back in you own words what you partner answered you in response to your OPEN QUESTIONS.

 

What to do when alone?

You can have a pamper day for yourself…a bath, nice bath oils…lovely drink (can be hot chocolate), watch a movie.

And when you hate being alone, call some friends and organise a fun evening. Valentine’s Day is also a great opportunity to show appreciation to your most loyal and trustworthy friends.

After all this…

…have the Valentine’s Day you want…wherever you are…

Happy Valentine’s Day 2018 to all of you… <3!

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